Masters of gloom

Masters of gloom

By LEON YOUNGBLOOD

Have you ever noticed there are persons who are walking Depressions, Depression personified, Depression overloads?  These are not those persons who merely need medication to adjust nutritional imbalances, or to deal with overwhelming stress; no, the sorts of persons I’m describing are Ambassadors of Depression.  They are not happy unless they’re unhappy.  What’s worse is, these Ambassadors can’t be happy unless everybody else in their world is unhappy too.  Generally, they are impossible to please, which is okay since, generally, nobody tries to please them.

BRIAR CIRCLE

This makes them happily unhappy.  They identify themselves as activists, crusaders, victims, martyrs, and any other variety of those who imagine themselves to be persecuted.

But what exactly do they want from us?  If you had read your copy of Eric Hoffer’s The True Believer your junior year in college the way you should have, you would understand the situation a little better.  The short of it is, though, they want love and acceptance on their own terms, which requires total acceptance of their views and total, unquestioning dedication to their causes.  As a rule, Depressionists are fanatical about them.  And as Winston Churchill observed, “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”

Very well said, but I like Ambrose Bierce’s venomous definition incorporating a variety of Depressionists a little better in his incomparable dictionary:  TROGLODYTE, n. Specifically, a cave-dweller of the Paleolithic period, after the Tree and before the Flat.  A famous community of troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam.  The colony consisted of “every one that was in distress, and every one that was in debt, and everyone that was discontented” – in brief, all the Socialists of Judah.

And if Bierce offends present day American Socialists with this entry in The Devil’s Dictionary, they can happily depress themselves even more if they look up his definition of “GRAPESHOT”.

I suppose it’s obvious I did not support Bernie Sanders?

Do not take it personally, though, if you are an American Socialist.  One of several children raised by religious fanatics, Bierce’s eventual disdain of politics and Christianity (and all religions) more or less may have been a rejection of his father and mother’s harsh religious views.  His was a gloomy childhood.  It’s something to think about.  I do not care much for gloomy Christians myself.

You see, Depressionism is the opposite, the antithesis of Optimism.  Somewhere around the middle is the synthesis summed up in two words, “Life happens.”  Some of it is good.  Some of it isn’t.  But for your own sake, steer clear of the Masters of Gloom.  Avoid Depressionists.

However, as for those of us who are merely depressed with no desire to make a career of it – talk to somebody about it.   Share one another’s burdens.  Just don’t ask for money, and be cautious about giving or lending it, too.  A case of the “blues” is one thing; depression, though, is not to be taken lightly.  We would be surprised to know who it affects and how widespread it is.

As for me, I’m a little depressed sometimes because writing is difficult due to Parkinson’s and the need for corrective eye surgery.  And because one of my kids may have caught the coronavirus bug.  My barber’s closed, and I’ve needed a haircut since early March.  The weather can’t make up its mind between winter and spring, flies and fleas are back, rattlers are out, wasps are infesting the wilderness shack, I’m fat and out of shape – this is no picnic.

But it’s no big deal, either.  I don’t need company or converts to share misery with. And like when Uncle Buddy was asked, “How are you doing?” his answer was always the same cheerful response:  “Better than I deserve!”

That seems to apply to most of us, doesn’t it.  However, we won’t quibble.  Be a Depressionist, if it makes you happy.  Pardon our “social distancing”.

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